Chocolate High

Standard

How can I tell you no when you shake me in parts I never knew of? You only want me because you know what you do to me. You get your kicks on my yearning, how bad I want you to touch me there, to wrap your fingers around my love for you. Even after my world fell apart, even after you broke my heart. I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t “her”. The words were there, sure, but the rest of it, the parts that matter don’t belong to me. They belong to her, wait, to her, no no, for sure they’re hers. What did I do to deserve this feeling? I just wanted your body; how dare you make me love you? How could you whisper in my ear, all the ways you need me, literally sweet nothings that made me cling to you tighter and give you every single little drop…? How did we get here? What voodoo do you do and where the fuck are my panties??? My brain is screaming to me, trying so hard to shut me down but damn, my body’s humming to that strumming. This body is a slave to you & I’m trapped in my mind, trying to rationalize our betrayal. The wrong thing is on my mind, this love I’ve been burning for; baby it’s hers. Mine isn’t up for grabs, I took it away so long ago. Can someone please inform my loins? You never belonged to me, so what is it about this flame? Why does it still burn so hot for you and why do I keep getting burned?

Don’t Break My Heart

Standard

Please.
Not again.
This distance again. It’s been days since I heard your voice. Since you called me “baby” that sweet way you do. I miss the flush of my cheeks when you say you miss me and the roar in the pit of my stomach when you say you want me.

Donnell Jones is on and I’m in my feelings.
Why is every damn song about you?
I got ahead of myself. Again.
I pictured myself in your arms.
I imagine how true your love would be,
How I would cater to you & dedicate all my affection to you. You’d be charming, hilarious, understanding and transparent with me.
I’m distracted at the thought of you. I forget what I’m doing.
What was I about to say?
Sorry, the image of your body wiped my slate clean.

Staring helplessly at my phone, waiting on your call.
Reading our messages again and I’m still smiling, still laughing at your jokes. We used to talk everyday.
It’s been almost a week, did I bore you? Don’t you miss me? Isn’t our agony symmetrical?
Do you scroll through my Facebook?
Are you hovering over the hearts on my Instagram?
Are you haunted by our abandoned message threads?
Aren’t you pressed, how come you not checking for me?

Going through “Love’s Withdrawal”, got me feeling “Ridiculous”; the only romance I’m getting from these melodies, but they aren’t for me, regardless of the validity in these words.
Yet, I’m singing along. I hope you hear me.

I heard about your other one.
I mean…
I always knew about the other ones, but I know I’m not the only one pretending that I’m the only one. I mean, damn, can’t a girl dream?
I keep wondering if she kissed you…
Did she make you laugh?
Did you careen into ecstasy with her?
Did you forget about me?

This was a losing battle from the jump. I let you in too easily. You didn’t have to work for it, like those other guys.
You were different, at least I thought so.
But my affection had no value to you,
You set it aside, unexplored.
Was my heart too cheap for you?
I thought we were cool, I thought it was going well… But maybe that was just me…
Yet I’m still waiting on you.
“So…you just ain’t gon’ call me?”