Don’t Break My Heart


Not again.
This distance again. It’s been days since I heard your voice. Since you called me “baby” that sweet way you do. I miss the flush of my cheeks when you say you miss me and the roar in the pit of my stomach when you say you want me.

Donnell Jones is on and I’m in my feelings.
Why is every damn song about you?
I got ahead of myself. Again.
I pictured myself in your arms.
I imagine how true your love would be,
How I would cater to you & dedicate all my affection to you. You’d be charming, hilarious, understanding and transparent with me.
I’m distracted at the thought of you. I forget what I’m doing.
What was I about to say?
Sorry, the image of your body wiped my slate clean.

Staring helplessly at my phone, waiting on your call.
Reading our messages again and I’m still smiling, still laughing at your jokes. We used to talk everyday.
It’s been almost a week, did I bore you? Don’t you miss me? Isn’t our agony symmetrical?
Do you scroll through my Facebook?
Are you hovering over the hearts on my Instagram?
Are you haunted by our abandoned message threads?
Aren’t you pressed, how come you not checking for me?

Going through “Love’s Withdrawal”, got me feeling “Ridiculous”; the only romance I’m getting from these melodies, but they aren’t for me, regardless of the validity in these words.
Yet, I’m singing along. I hope you hear me.

I heard about your other one.
I mean…
I always knew about the other ones, but I know I’m not the only one pretending that I’m the only one. I mean, damn, can’t a girl dream?
I keep wondering if she kissed you…
Did she make you laugh?
Did you careen into ecstasy with her?
Did you forget about me?

This was a losing battle from the jump. I let you in too easily. You didn’t have to work for it, like those other guys.
You were different, at least I thought so.
But my affection had no value to you,
You set it aside, unexplored.
Was my heart too cheap for you?
I thought we were cool, I thought it was going well… But maybe that was just me…
Yet I’m still waiting on you.
“So…you just ain’t gon’ call me?”

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